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Sexy 🧛‍♀️ Vampires


For a deadly creature that supposedly can’t fornicate, vampires can be surprisingly sexy. The scene in Dracula’s Daughter (1936), where the female vampire seduced a young model is probably the first proper sexy sucker scene (more than those with Bela Lugosi). Roman Polanski made the genre truly sexy (and funny) with “The Fearless Vampire Killers” (1967) and Hammer Horror had no shortage of titillating toothy temptresses.

But Sexy Vampires were most evident, raw and in your face in exploitation movies! The exploitation producers/directors didn’t have time for beating about the proverbial bush, or working with symbols and metaphors. It was always about getting the audience’s attention at first bite! Here are some of our favourite examples.

"Dracula (the Dirty Old Man)" (1969) finds the Count living in a cave, sporting a Jewish accent, a bad hairpiece. "I'm Count Dracula which is Alucard backwards. So you can call me Allie," is how he introduces himself. Mike, who discovers him, is turned into Irving Jackalman and tasked with bringing nubile women back to the cave to be tied, stripped and have their breasts bitten by a bat. Visually, it's a crude though straightforward sex horror film that borders on Jean Rollin-like territory, but with a ‘comic’ narration that feels slapped on.

"Guess What Happened to Count Dracula?" (1970) is wackiness of the highest order. Sporting a goatie beard and bad Bela accent, Count Adrian and his ghouls run "Dracula’s Dungeon," a bizarre Hollywood nightclub. He spots the lovely Angelica and wants her for eternity, but her boyfriend Guy isn’t playing along. After chomping her neck, Angelica is soon gnawing raw meat and no fan of daylight. Director Laurence Merrick also made “The Black Angels” (1970), co-directed the documentary “Manson” and was killed by one of his acting students.

"Sex and the Single Vampire" (1970). John Holmes is Count Spatula in his acting debut, where he tried to be funny and only gets his famous schlong out towards the end. Horny couples arrive at a haunted house for the Count to ogle and try to drain them of blood. Rude, raunchy, and ridiculous horror sex comedy. Holmes was wise to switch from humour to hardcore. One of two vampire films he appears in this week.

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"The Vampire Happening" (1971) is what happens when you cross "The Fearless Vampire Killers" (1967) with "Rocky Horror Picture Show" (1975). An American actress - Pia (Elvira Madigan) Degermark - inherits a castle in Transylvania, wihout realising that her ancestors are a vampire countess who rises from her grave to feast on their villagers. Plenty of nudity, skeletons and weird humour, plus the banquet scene looks like it was a direct inspiration for Richard O’Brien’s Annual Transylvanian Convention in Rocky Horror Picture Show. Director Freddie Francis considered this nudie horror parody a 'disaster', but it is fun viewing today.

"Dracula Sucks" (1978). Prof Van Helsing thinks bite marks on patients at a sanatorium are the work of Dracula. Acclaimed as the most star studded X rated film ever made, it stars Annette Haven, Seka, John Leslie, Serena, John Holmes (vamping it up again) and many others.

"Vampire Hookers" (1978) Dracula as Pimp Daddy sees a bevy of female vampires lure their customers back to the lair of aged vampire (John Carradine). A pair of virile young sailors get mixed up in their shenanigans. It features the the catchy theme tune ”Vampire hookers, and blood is not all they suck.”

"Mad Love Life of a Hot Vampire" (1971) is a horror comedy where Dracula lives in Vegas and sends out his female vampires to collect blood in the most unusual ways. Guess where they bite their male victims. Director Ray Dennis Steckler is a maverick legend, behind such films as “Wild Guitar” (1962), “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-up Zombies” (1964), the Batman-esque “Rat Pfink and Booboo” (1966), “Sinthia: the Devil’s Doll” (1970) and many other weird films, as well as plenty of porn.

There is also "The Sadist With Red Teeth" (1971)"Condemned to Live" (1935) and "House on Bare Mountain" (1962), which all feature vampires in some erotic variant. We've also curated a Sexy Vampire Spotify playlist for your enjoyment, featuring music to be enjoyed with a glass of full-bodied red.

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